Little Voices

My friend Tom told me that I needed to have a focus for this blog. So in that sense, I should stick to the title. It's gotta be about either "the road" or "home".

But then I find that I want to write about something else, soemthing that is bothering me and I need to talk about it. Kryptonite: that thing that I hate because it hurts me; the thing that hurts me because I hate it. It is that feeling of being under-valued. It is that feeling of being 'anti-valued'.

I wrote a entry last year in November about hating to be treated in a way that I didn't like -- to be ignored, disregarded and feeling unvalued as a result. Now I feel the need to write about that again. But I hesitate.

I hesitate because it stems from work and the people I work with.

I hesitate also for a very good reason. When I was in Malaysia, I briefly knew a woman who had, among other things, a blog where she wrote a lot of personal information and gave criticisms about the world and people. One of the things she did, mistakenly, was to comment on people she worked with and mention her boss. She had even gone so far as to copy emails from (work from her boss!) and put them online but with her own words inserted in the text -- these were comments and names like, "yeah, right!" and "fucking bitch". I had to admit, that was pretty awful. And that was why she lost her job when someone found it surfing the internet one night.

Part of me wants to write a long blog about work, where I can have a good rant and let it all out.
Another part tells me 'no', that burning bridges is not acceptable or good for me.
Another part tells me to take it as a learning experience but not forget it because I should never work for this company again, really.
Another part of me is laughing and saying "well, what did you expect, shithead!"
And another part of me is just saying "You didn't deserve it, don't feel bad."

I think in the end, the mistake was mine.
(I am a big fan of taking responsibility for things that go wrong, that way you also take on the power to affect change!)
I mistook work for home.

I do that a lot. I mistake work as a place where I can get all the satisfaction in my life that I need, instead of looking to it as a place for professional and development and a source of income, first.

Basically, (haha) I've gotta get a life.

Peace.