Um, no-- we don't teach people to say that!!!

This past week I have started and have been teaching a training course for new teachers, teaching teachers how to teach. This is commonly known as "teacher training."

It has been a real 'education' (excuse the pun) to deliver this course as I have found out what many people consider teaching to be. Some people come with a lot of preconceived ideas; others come with no ideas at all but do have the desire to learn and try something new. For some, it is, admittedly, a response to mid-life crisis while others believe it will be a more prosperous and enjoyable career route. One trainee, whom I greatly admire, openly said that he had been teaching in Japan for years with no real idea of how to teach at all. I had to give him credit for admitting that but also praise for doing so in a class of his peers.

What really shocks me is the ideas that some people have about teaching. One discussion amongst trainees focused on 'swearing' and whether this needs to be taught. Now at this point I have to admit that this is hearsay, as it comes from my colleague who is teaching the same programme, concurrently. Her group discussed swearing and its usefulness. Surprisingly, my colleague began to talk about how pronunciation and intonation was important to, say, express the difference between 'shit' said with anger compared with 'shit' said surprise or joy.

Teacher Trainer -- "well guys, when you say 'shit' and you are angry, your voice drops and you speak with less variation in tone. Overall, it might be said faster. When surprised, however, you may say it more slowly, at a higher pitch and with more variation."

Teacher in Training -- "So you never teach students to say anything like 'HEY, YOU FUCKIN' CUNT-SNIFFER!"

Teacher Trainer -- ".......no.......we don't teach students to say......that...."

Now, you, the reader, may be shocked to read this but go back and read it again to make sure. This was a real exchange between a colleague and a trainee. No names have been added (to avoid embarassment) but no content or dialogue has been omitted either. Read it and weep/laugh. This was an actual question.

The fact is that many new teachers have rather interesting ideas about what to teach to whom and when. That being said, my teacher training work for the first week has been fantastic and I have enjoyed it immensely. I can't think of any place I would rather be right now.

Today's blog is brought to you by the letter "W"

In courses I have recently taken at a university here in Toronto, we have discussed the best way to begin a presentation.
A.) Tell a joke
B.) Give an interesting fact
C.) Ask a rhetorical question
D.) Use a dynamic or provocative image

I think I'll start this with a joke.

The First World

There. That was the joke. I have talked with some freinds about how humour that ridicules people and is cruel just isn't funny anymore but the paradoxes of life can be really humourous. So there you have it -- careers and the job market - these are paradoxes of life which really deserve a good laugh.
Think of it - we in the first world have more stuff, more products more food than any other place on Earth. Yet the average North American loves to complain about how much we don't have. Oi Vey! We have more rights and freedoms than most other people but we are constantly complaining about how our rights are being violated when someone tells us we aren't perfect or asks us to take responsibility for ourselves. Ai Carumba! Canada is scaring me, and maybe that was what was so great about living overseas -- I often couldn't understand when people complained about their lives.

Fact: Really poor people never bitch about their poverty because they are too busy working to try and put food on the table.

Charity is a strange saint-- those who need her graces most are often the last ones to accept them.


Back in Germany, last year, I had a great time visiting the family. In retrospect, I can give all kinds of little details but these aren't nearly as good as the vague memories which sit like a juicy roast beef dinner in the hungry emotional table of my psyche. Nothing is as flavourful as the beautiful memories of the distant past.

So on that note, I would like to share a story of the extremely distant past.
In the village where my cousins live, there sits a sculpture in the square.

It is a 'w' of sorts, and in the local bakeries the same 'w' sits in glass cabinets, refrigerated, covered in chocolate or vanilla or nuts. Seeing this in the town, I say to myself, "Hmmmm, who knew the letter "w" carried such weight. Maybe, like that old chestnut "Sesame Street", this vacation was sponsored by the letter "w" and a few other random letters and numbers.


Walter, my cousin who is set to get married this June, 2008, was kind enough to help me out with this story.

Once upon a time, during the feudal epoques of Germany, the village of Chrailsheim was surrounded by a wall, a large stone wall meant to keep invaders out. Where did these invaders come from? Neighbouring villages, of course!! (this gives you a pretty good idea of just how far back we are talking) Now on one occasion, the invaders came to Chrailsheim and surrounded the city, camping by the wall. Their objective? Conquer the city by starving the villagers out! By waiting at the wall, the villagers would eventually have to open their gates and let the invaders come in because the only other option would be starvation. The plan was sound but would it work? Days passed and then weeks. The villagers saved all their food and rationed their resources but the invaders stayed camped. The situation looked progressively worse as the waiting passed it's one month mark. Finally, the food was gone and all that was left was flour.

"What to do?!" the villagers despaired.

But, as usually happens in tales such as these, a lone man, or perhaps a child, or even some village lunatic (these stories are never clear) got an idea. It was an idea which should go down in the annals of history as the single most ridiculous yet highly effective form of psychological warfare ever.

The villagers took the flour and made cookies. They needed to show the invaders that they did, in fact, have food! How much food? Enough to throw away! If they made the flour into cookies and threw them over the wall then the invaders might believe their strategy wasn't going to work, that the village was fully stocked and that starvation wasn't going to happen! Yet, on it's own, this ploy might not be enough. The villagers were really going to have to SHOW the invaders that they had enough food and weren't on the edge of starvation. So, they decided that the best way to do this would be to show the army the biggest, fattest, richest, most plumpest and juiciest round rump in town. They needed the most robust of them all to hang a mooner and give the invaders and eyeful of just how well-fed the town was --- and who better to do this than the best-fed example of womanhood in town - the mayor's wife!

So the plan was set and the preparations were made. And the next day, the mayor's wife climbed the wall and dropped her illustrious drawers and gave the invading army an eyeful of just how healthy the people of Chrailsheim were. Townspeople stood beside her, hooting and yelling and throwing their cookies in the shape of a 'w', which was actually a representation of the mayor's wife's bottom, inviting the invaders to share in their bounty. The result? The invaders were crest-fallen! More than a month of encampment had all been for nought. So, they packed up their toys and marched home, possibly the only time in history that an army has disappointedly walked away when offered a nice piece of 'ass'.

And so, to this day, every year, the village of Chrailsheim takes a week to remember the cleverness of their ancestors and the sacrifice of modesty by one woman. They fill the bakeries with chocolate, vanilla,and nut-coated little 'butt cookies' while, just down the street, the mayor's wife's ass sits, immortalised, in the square by the church.


Who said you need to make fun of people to have a good laugh! Obviously, home is a place worth protecting...